Forgive or Forget???

Everytime I fought with my closed ones really badly… I got hurt equally thinking my relationships are getting spoiled… Everytime things start getting better I feel happy… But I am not exactly sure if people forgive others or they actually tend to forget the harsh times??
Probably once things start getting better to a point people tend to forget the times which were cruel enough to bring down all your faith…

I feel it is more of what people want out of life.. Each one of us want happier times… When we reach the peak of bad times we have to reset things…. Sometimes it is a conscious effort and sometimes it is an automatic reset… People just forget harsh times as a matter of fact…
They may not forgive all… but they tend to forget, after all for’get’ comes along with for’give’ (until u give how do u get or vice versa )..

Last few months had been such times for me when I chose to keep quiet on things and just watch over unique ways in which people(including me) react to situations… I figured there is a cycle of events that happen in life.. some situations in my life which turned out harsh on me are repeating in some other’s lives now… and each one of us do get our share of good and bad times… I tried to view the situations from a third person perspective irrespective of whether I or someone else is the subject… Figured out its only when you become more of an observer of your own doings is when you act sensibly. It may probably be difficult to forgive or forget during your harsh times but it is more difficult to be a cautious observer… It is then forgiving/forgetting becomes easy for us. We tend to become better human beings… We walk on the paths that take us out of this cycle similar situations haunting us again and again..
I want to come out of this cycle… Want a permanent solution to my pain points… Guess I need to come back to senses and observe more before I speak 

Forgive me/Forget it if I bored you… Just ponder over the thought if u find it interesting
Have a good day people…

Right Ya Wrong

It is a recent bollywood release’s title. Not sure if how many viewers it attracted but it definitely raises a Big Question in our heads. I read this movie reviews and the interviews by the actors of the movie.. I could see one message very strongly… There is nothing called Absolute Right or Absolute Wrong. The term is relative and varies from person to person.

It is perfectly Okay for each one of us to have our own versions of Right/Wrong on a situation.
It is not Okay to force one’s decision of Right/Wrong on someone else
It is perfectly Okay for each one of us to disagree with each other on any situation.
It is not Okay for each one of us to pass our judgments on other’s behaviors.
It is perfectly Okay for each one of us to state our diverse feelings and opinions on any situation.
It is not Okay for each one of us to disrespect/dishonor someone on the context of having differing opinions on a particular subject/situation.

As adults very commonly we tend to pass on judgment on others on our context of Right/Wrong.
We forget that each one of us have capability to view the same situation through various perceptions. We tend to guide people to follow our way or look through our perception. We forget that it is not possible. We forget each one of us are unique in one way or other, how can we all think alike. We cannot. That’s how Human beings are designed by that Almighty. We forget that he gave each one of us a unique set of strengths and weaknesses and a unique way to lead our lives.

It is okay to have discussions around a topic… It is not Okay however to deny to disagree on the same. We all need to learn respecting our mutual disagreements also. Friends can disagree on various subjects but if those disagreements become a barrier in their friendship it’s definitely not okay. We can hurt others unknowingly. It’s okay until we are unaware of it. But once realized it’s not okay to ignore it.
We need to learn healing the hurt hearts. Why do we make this so difficult and complicated?

Parents try to influence their kids decisions fearing their incapability to take a Right decision/Kids feel parents lack of understanding of their situations and hence a rebellious attitude
Boss feels that he is always RIGHT/Employee feels Boss can never be RIGHT

I believe that as adults each one of us should have complete freedom to make our choices and no one of us should be forcing ourselves on others. We can try to convince/influence but we cannot force…
Our disagreements however should not break our relationships… It hurts when people go away on mere disagreements over few subjects. Why is it so difficult for us to be together amidst disagreements? Why our love /our relation do rests on our agreements/disagreements over few opinions/decisions? Why are our relationships with people based on these terms and conditions?
Let us all give a fresh look to those situations where we tried to break our relationships on the mere difference of few opinions? It is okay to commit mistakes and learn from them. Why do we try to stop ourselves from experimenting? I feel if it’s not a life threatening situation sometimes it is okay to commit mistakes and take a stand on it. If we realize we have done a mistake we should learn from it and move forward. Mistakes do happen. However once realized no Mistake is bigger than LIFE… We should learn to let go of some Mistakes as long as we learn our lessons… Let us focus on learning through experiences and not mourning over the mistakes committed…

Sun Sun Barsaat ki dhun sun

The other day I was listening to this song on Radio. I was thrilled by listening to this song after such a long time. Last time I remember hearing this when I was in school…. I liked the student teacher relationship in the movie then… Never however understood what was the teacher trying to tell to his students by this song..

A chord did strike me yesterday:

Sun Sun Sun Barsaat ki Dhun Sun(Listen to the tunes of rain)

Bijli chamki lipat gaye hum(Lightning struck, we embraced)

Badal garja simat gaye hum(thunder stroke, we came close)

Yeh hai kitna achcha shagun(It is such a good omen)

However the later part of the song is how one student visualizes the meaning in his dream world.. I took it completely different. Whenever there was a problem in life, any difficulty (bijli chamakna ya badal garajna as in the song) we try to embrace or come close to people we love, we feel can secure us.

That’s a human nature how much ever we feel we are independent and are self sufficient there are times we need a loved one closer… Just the mere act of hugging you loved one (could be ur best friend, ur sibling, ur parents, ur lover) u feel so secure, so blessed, so full of love. You feel now that u have someone closer to you crossing the hurdles of life may not be that difficult.

It’s not that we are not capable of doing things… each one gathers strength to walk over the cross roads of life… but it’s just that when u have someone closer to u ur views of the difficulties change a bit.. once ur heart is filled with love the road does not look that difficult…

I accept I was wrong, I admit it and try to correct it.

So many of us who keep getting hurt at times do wonder why the person who hurt me could not say these simple words. Was the meaning of the words so difficult he could not understand? Was it ego? Was it self-centeredness? What was it?

I say it’s just the realization. Whenever there are occasions you get hurt by some act others did u realize it so soon but when u hurt someone during some random moment u do not realize very soon. It takes time for that realization to come. I am not talking about events where we directly/indirectly hurt others intentionally. I am talking about events where we ourselves do not realize that some random act has hurt the other person. This hurt can go as far as making the sweetest relationships go sour.

All it needed was a clear confrontation. About things like let us talk it out straight without any biases.

I had seen a play this weekend “Bade Bhai Sahab” It was a play directed on the famous short story written by Munshi Prem Chand. The story is about 2 brothers and their studies.
The elder one just wants to maintain "I am elder feeling”. In an effort to make sure his brother never gets diverted from his studies and do end up being a good educated person in life. He forgets that he had started bullying his brother unintentionally. There were occasions he would scold him without proper justification. He himself always used to fail while his brother would always pass with flying colors.
Somewhere he was trying to fill up for his failure as a student by shouting at his brother.
The younger one as a obedient brother always listens to him every time he gets insulted. He respects his Bhai Sahab. Then there was one day when the younger one reached his brother’s class and the next time he got a banter he shouted back saying you cannot shout at me as I am at the same level as you. It is you who fail and not me. Well all he did was let out his long time put aside hurt feelings and anger. He did not realize how that will affect his Bhai Sahab.
It was then the Bhai Sahab said yes I know I failed and u have been successful and tomorrow u will go ahead of me still I am 5 years elder to you and not even God can remove that difference. I will be your elder one forever. That’s where the story gets a tragic turn when they both realize their mistakes and they correct their mistakes. They say sorry to each other and life goes on.
Its only when they realized what wrong they did they could correct it. Now the question lies what it takes to realize our mistakes.

I feel it just takes a few moments of mental calmness and a peaceful mind state where one is ready to look beyond those hurt feelings, where one is ready to get into the other’s heart and figure out the cause of those hurt feelings. A state where one is ready to forget the anger, where one can look towards the opponent as oneself.

It is then we realize all it takes is to admit your mistake and u see the conversation was never that difficult. It’s only the realization that was difficult. Its very easy to blame but really difficult to figure out the reason behind anyone’s action. Only once when u try to fill in love in your thoughts u realize there could be so small reasons also which could have hurt others. It is then u realize what u consider a small issue could have actually appeared so big to the other one. It is only when u r ready to forget all the harsh feelings that u give way to those soft empathetic feelings. It is then u say those words effortlessly. It is then u figure out that by saying this u have filled your heart with joys and the anger, the hurt has just vanished away.

Life is too complicated, too fast to realize this I agree. But we never know a small act in right conscience may help us do that.

All we have to realize is what if someone behaves the same way with me?? How will I feel?

Lateral Thinking/Inclusive Thinking

Listened to aamir's speech in ET awards:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Aamir-Khan-wows-audience-at-ET-Awards-function/videoshow/5431445.cms

Loved it when he said: My mom was happy to hear that i won the game but then she said the guy who lost in front of u must have also reached home by now and when his mother asked him about the game he would have told he lost and she must be really upset.... It is so true we always think about us whether we won/ we loose.. Why do we not think about the others as well??? Would it not be easier to solve the miseries if each one of us start thinking about the other person and be more caring, more inclusive in our interaction??? Why is it not that easy to show empathy towards others and always try to view a difference of opinion more as why does this difference exist?? What is different in the perspectives? What is it that i cannot see and he/she can see?? What is it that makes us see the same thing in different perspective???

Why do we not give a try to look into the background where the other person come from? Why is it always not so intuitive and not so easy??

I guess once we start looking at things from other person's perspectives resolving the conflicts won't be that difficult... It will be rather easier to mitigate the differences... Once we understand the problem more clearly is it not easier to find a viable solution??

Yes it be could more related to putting yourself in backseat and putting your opponent in front seat once...
Whenever i tried to put my point across and people did not understand i tried to look into what makes the other person not see my point.. I understood the background behind his/her thinking but its not always true vice versa... People denied to understand my point of view even when i could see in their eyes they are getting it and realising i am not wrong... They just could not admit it as they always wanted to win the argument.... Then i told to myself i just cannot go beyond this and accepted my defeat...

Today i think again no i did not defeat i actually learned something more about the problems of life today... It was so easy for Rancho to sign the Decree of Defeat which Silencer got for him even after knowing it that he had not actually lost the bet... He was not bothered about the outcome of the bet he was actually bowled over how seriously and how differently Silencer took the bet rather than understanding the point which he was trying to make.